so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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