So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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