Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
