When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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