dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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