i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
