He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
