Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
