do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
