dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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