Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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