i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
