In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
