Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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