perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
