she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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