I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
