A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
