waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
