do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
