Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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