I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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