went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
