dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
