Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
