I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
