areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
