what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you had me at cake vodka
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
