it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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