You smell like stripper and shame
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
