what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
