If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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