i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
