Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
