I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
