he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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