if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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