She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
