she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
wow bdsm is so cute
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
