Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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