Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
