bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
