it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
