The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
