I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
