proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
