All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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