I must be too annoying 4 u.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
