WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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