What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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